The Future Ain’t What It Used To Be
As a kid, I played on the Elmwood Jets, a ragtag neighborhood team in the Mitey Mite league. We were a bunch of lunkheads with no sponsor, but we played hardball.
Years later, I brought the Elmwood Jets back with my agency as the sponsor. Little did I goddamn know that when we brought the team back, it was in a Tee Ball league. The way I see it, the only flippin’ thing that should be hit off a tee is a golf ball.
So I pushed for the Jets to be a real Holyoke travel team—full uniforms, the whole get-up. They looked as sharp as the New York Yankees. But I just happened to check in with the league the other day and guess goddamn what? We’re back in the Tee Ball league. It’s now called the Small Fry League, and the kids are 4–6, boys and girls.
I think it’s damn good that girls are on the team. I’ve been a promoter of girls playing baseball for a long time. I never liked that they were stuck with softball, when they lob some cabbage at you underhand. So I’m glad that for a lot of boys and girls, their first time playing baseball is with the Elmwood Jets. But I don’t like this Tee Ball business one bit. Tee Ball is the worst thing that can happen to an American kid. And now that our Elmwood Jets are in the Small Fry Tee Ball League—well, after you watch the video below, you’ll see why I have to wear a fedora and sunglasses driving through Holyoke. I’m a disgrace to the game of baseball.
Keep your dukes up.
https://www.facebook.com/rebel.thinking/videos/10154720106503685
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