USS Bluegill
I finally figured out what it takes to get a lot of likes on these Friday ditties. Wear a goddamn hat. So far I’ve worn a boater, a Stetson, and a fedora. This week I’ve got another lid for you: the USS John F. Kennedy cap.
This hat reminds me of when I was a kid living on the edge of Ashley Reservoir and me and the boys decided to build a submarine. We caused a hell of a lot of mischief for the Holyoke Water Works back then, so we thought a sub would be a foolproof getway. If we pulled a stunt and the Water Works guys started chasing us, we’d just jump in the sub and hide below the surface. Brilliant plan.
We made a periscope out of B&M baked bean cans and to christen the sub, like the Navy does with champagne, we borrowed a bottle of my dad’s Moxie and whacked it against the side for luck, which we sure as hell needed. We were a crew straight out of McHale’s Navy.
After we built this masterpiece, we hauled it down to the rez to launch her. It sank like a stone and the maiden voyage was over in three seconds. We jumped out of that bamboozle fast. But the Water Works kept chasing us, we kept running, and they never caught us. When they came to the house to complain, my mother would always say, “Oh, that couldn’t be Darby. He’s been upstairs doing his homework.”
Good thing my father was at work. He’d have told those Water Works guys, “That kid belongs in juvie hall.” So yeah, next time you see me, call me Admiral.
Keep your dukes up.
If you know someone who’d like these ditties in their inbox every week, have ‘em shoot us an email at darbyo@darbyobrien.com and we’ll add ‘em to the list.